new year, new attitude, new commitment, new things.

so… I can imagine many of my regular readers probably think I completely abandoned this blog, but the truth is I had someone convince me that my writing was actually hurting someone else’s feelings. that my words were actually making someone uncomfortable.

for shame, I believed them and shied away from blogging and my creative writing in general.

I realized a long time ago that that was retarded thinking and that maybe I was looking for an excuse to stop writing for a while.

so I’m just going to change my stance and say that I took a vacation from literary pursuits and went on a writer’s hiatus. my new year’s resolution will be to blog again… especially given my life over the past two years.

boyoboy, do I have a story to tell.

Posted from WordPress for Android

Spaces Communications Issues

i’ve recently received several messages from various people trying to chat with me. unfortunately, i haven’t been able to respond due to some communication preference that i receive error messages about. i’m sorry that i haven’t responded.

So now I’ll attempt to answer some of these messages:

d.L, i’m still learning the language. while my vocabulary is improving, i’m in no position to presume to educate anyone on the formalities and associated syntax regarding Nihon-go. however, should you know any links to language resources, feel free (no, encouraged) to send them along. maybe you could teach me a couple rules about arabic. i think it’s a show of respect when you properly pronounce names and words from "foreign languages".

no, Joey, i’m not a rapist.

Kate, that’s a lot of personal information to give out to a complete stranger especially considering you’re 11 years old. luckily (and thanks to Joey for asking), i’m not a rapist. in future, exercise caution in the dissemination of personal information. there are people out there who could take advantage of you, and you never know if the people at "To Catch A Predator" are looking out for you. let’s hope they are.

happymushroom, i’d like to make friends. why don’t you add me to messenger or something?

so you think you’re getting what you’re paying for?

i’m supposed to be getting service up to 2Mbps…

what about that ping? geez!

rant about Apple and Leopard delays conveniently masked as ‘resource re-assignment for iPhone development’ rather than just saying that Leopard will be delayed. psh!

see this link for the article that inspired this blog entry.

the thing about Apple delaying Leopard is that you don’t know if anything has been dropped because Apple never said from the outset what they wanted to include in Leopard.

MS on the other hand came out with spec-sheet after spec-sheet of features that they wanted to include in Longhorn, but then ended up dropping features because of the complexity of what they were originally trying to undertake.

and on the subject of ‘dropped features’, what the hell ever happened to Kerry Hammil? did she quit? did she get fired? did she have extensive plastic surgery and become super-hot Jenny Lam?

i still have the print outs of TechNet articles elaborating on things that made me all hot and bothered like Notification History, the original Sidebar (where we used tiles a la MSN Explorer), the original Longhorn Explorer (with the gigantic window title that i really loved, and actually seemed heavily influenced by the design of the SAP GUI) and what can only be described as the Longhorn Photo Gallery. btw, have you ever seen the WinFS presentation video with the Fabrikam proposal thingee showing digital signatures in action and how they related to communications and general trust for files and documents from any given contact? priceless.

the point i’m making here is it’s easy for you to think that Leopard is being delayed "only 120 days" and "it’s not as if Apple is dropping any features at the same time" because you honestly don’t know what was supposed to be there and you don’t know IF anything HAS been dropped. you must admit, Apple being secretive about project details allows them to drop or include features at a whim and not take flak from the press and public for it (the way MS did with the Longhorn ‘Reset’).

MS makin meh krazie!

Honestly what the hell is keeping Microsoft from merging the Xbox Live
Marketplace and the Zune Marketplace? They’re already using the same
currency and with the advent of Windows Live Gaming, I just can’t wait
to have that functionality on my PC!!

Seriously just a few paychecks away from blowing cash on a Xbox 360
Elite. If only I had a HDMI port on my TV…

—

can it really be that hard to just pickup drawing again?

confession? that graphics tablet came a long time ago, maybe a month and some change. i haven’t actually plugged the damn thing in yet, and i’m not even sure why. is depression catching up with me again? bah! impossible! what could i possibly still be depressed about? i’ve got that 24" monitor now and am currently 3 components away from my latest beast of a SOHO desktop – BlackPony_Drei!

so anyhoo, the poui thing doesn’t seem to be kicking off as quickly as i thought it would’ve, mainly because the trees haven’t really started their blooming and shedding. all the better as i have more time to find models for this lil project. classifieds? how do you find models in your area? what would you even put in that ad? and how will i ever find the time to interview them when these people keep extending my contract at work?

please don’t read the above as complaining (even though it is) as i’m actually very glad to be employed and making money to support my various non-habits, which lately include tv series on dvd and MET-Art photoshoots.

i’m obsessed with photographers Pasha and Voronin and a few models like Viky B. and the uber-popular Jenya D.. so much so that i actually plan (many moons ago actually) to use their varied poses as "stencils" for drawing projects or photoshoot composition sketches. they also make for great photography encouragement when you see a series like Elan featuring the model Nella and want to get that high contrast type look in your photos. the photographers at MET-Art really are my photography heroes and i’m not saying that just because they get to shoot hot chicks all the time. they’re accomplished photographers and i wish i could afford the cameras they use to do their work (which you can easily find out by peeking at the metadata.

btw, Canon EOS series and Nikon’s D series are the digital cameras of choice at MET-Art. certainly influenced my decision but unfortunately can’t sway my pocket. okay okay, not true. the CC limit is currently 720 so i can’t get any of those brand new but also refuse to get any of those second-hand. if there’s anyone out there willing to hook a brotha up with a sugar-momma or something…

in other news: i’ve been moved back to the HelpDesk! not horrible but i feel really listless as i’m used to running from one place to the next. my legs feel funny being cramped under this midget desk. how ever did that Thomas kid manage here? i’m also stuck with WinXP. it’s awkward being away from Vista as we were testing it in the office (i was doing the 64-bit version) and i miss the plasma that i had to live with next to me. you haven’t watched Heroes until you’ve done it on a 42" Plasma, yo!

i miss the daily coffee run, and Ana-Lucia’s smell, as if her leaving wasn’t bad enough, they moved me too. 😥

so until i get my hands on a new camera or at least get my photographic zeal back….

—

“thoughts on Akon” – responsoriovm

i will admit to you brother, that i am one of the many who would accept this as the norm simply because it is.

this Danah chiqui (besides being a total jailbait-hottie) is beyond all intents and purposes for this article and my reply a grown woman both physically and mentally. we keep forgetting that in today’s world, age is really just a number and that mental development is often fast-tracked by societal behaviour at the expense the far too pliable young minds. i believe i am probably best evidence of that (i won’t go into much detail here though).

we can blame Soong, we can blame Akon, we can blame the parents. we can even blame Danah, but in all this passing of blame, i really don’t think Danah needed to be vilified for sneaking out using a special-needs excuse and most likely a James Bond-esque method for changing outfits just to go "covertly" to a concert. in my eyes, she knew exactly what she was doing when she was doing it, and was not coerced into going clubbing with her friends. she would not have acted alone and surely wasn’t the only one reprimanded for events as they unfolded.

instead, i really believe (feel free to flame) that Danah knew she was legally underaged during "mission prep" and knew she’d still get into Zen during "target prosecution" and probably even hoped for what turned out to be "non-critical side objective fulfillment". if you didn’t read between the lines of all that millitary speak then let me draw them out for you.

Danah planned to go to this concert possibly ages ago. she got the perfect outfit. she had the perfect cover story and banked on the fact that club doormen realize that not everyone walks with ID when they go clubbing, except when they look her age and even then with above selected outfit, cleavage just may handle the issue sufficiently. i mean even with today’s precocious puberty, what 14-year old looks like that? you can’t really tell me otherwise. the main objective was to attend the concert but i don’t think it was ever intended to get dry-humped on stage within view of all the club’s patrons. non-critical but who was she to complain. she already got this far.

she would have probably been singing a different tune (read bragging) to all her friends because she got up close and personal with Akon, but unfortunately for her, she got busted on YouTube and then most likely by her friends when they identified the girl on stage as Danah. it didn’t help that there were 10,000 cameras shooting the "event" at multiple angles to broadcast her face and her outfit (and unfortunately a nipple-slip) over the Internet. her perfect mission comet-smashed and obliterated literally "at the speed of light" or maybe just the speed of fibre-optics (which is probably just about the same speed).

i hope people don’t read me wrong here, but Danah is fully responsible for her actions if only because they were pre-meditated. i don’t believe that she should be vilified for "acting her age".

honestly, how many of us have done similar and worse growing up and gotten away with it. i’m sure if the Internet and access to it were as prevalent as it is today, we too would’ve been caught at a Shabba concert or our Richard Marx "woulda buss easy".

my hormones have condemned me…

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Low
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

why does The Game get harder the older you get?

having failed with the only available older women in my life, i decide to set my sights on women my age (go figure) and see just what the scene is like on this end of the spectrum. the first choice would have to be who Ana-Lucia describes as my girlfriend, Rommie.

admittedly, i was quite smitten with the girl. and why shouldn’t i be, she’s gorgeous, short, growing her hair (which is maybe a few inches from Botticelli-esque right now), has beautiful eyes and a figure to die for, even though she thinks she needs to work on it.

we may have even been in the midst of an actual relationship by now if i weren’t so much of a sissy (thanks a lot aforementioned ladies) and afraid of rejection. we were at the point where i’d call her up and we’d spend hours on the phone sharing our lives; it felt nice being able to do that with someone you didn’t have to see everyday. she was my ground, i enjoyed the chats we had and i hope we can have more in the future. so why haven’t i try to get with her yet? maybe it is my fear of rejection, maybe i’m afraid of loosing my newest means of maintaining my remaining sanity in this hectic role of Network Technician.

am i really questioning my feelings for Rommie? is it infatuation or is it love?

so during that recent period of trying to figure out my true feelings for Rommie, i get broad-sided at my second favorite place to be, Coffeeland. for the record, i blame Ana-Lucia for getting me hooked on ice-blended coffee drinks. anyhoo, i go there one day to get what i guess was a ‘Spiced Chai Latte on ice’ and one of the girls there, Cherry-Olivia – a real cutie – comes with this:
"so i have two tickets for the circus. you want to go?" given my history with women, i assume she’s just trying to get rid of some tickets so i reply:
"Cherry-Olivia, are you asking me out on a date?"
she goes silent and stares at me; i stare at her. Maria (another Coffeeland girl) breaks the corner and i say:
"Maria, i think Cherry-Olivia just asked me out on a date!"
she laughs with a really-buried-in-there-somewhere "Really?"; in hindsight, i figure it must have been really hard to watch, let alone be part of.

Ana-Lucia and Emma-Lisa berate me when i relate the event to them and Dirty Ole Man (who we’ll just call Dirty). the whole ride back to the office, i’m told in varying degrees just how much of an asshole i am for humiliating a girl who obviously had to muster up enough courage to ask a question like that. i reply that i was joking and that i think she was really just trying to get rid of some tickets. nevertheless, the scolding continues.

so in an effort to avoid further ribbing, i decide i’ll carry this chiqui to the circus. i go to Coffeeland and leave my number with Maria because Cherry-Olivia wasn’t working that day. the phone call takes a while in coming and when it does it’s rather mundane. it’s okay, because all we have to do is set a date for the um… date! the same day as the phone call i give her a ride to work because the taxi she came to Bella in dropped her too short. during the really short trip from TECU to the Coffeeland, i learn that she’s got a dirty mouth (which i kinda like) but was unwilling to play the FFF mind game. the first time-alone period not bad.

after dropping her off, i’m bombarded by a stream of SMSeseses in a convo that runs into maybe 20 text messages. there is peace in Coffeeland.

the next week while i’m there getting an Amaretto on ice (a drink they seem to make only for me), Rosa (yet another Coffeeland girl) seems upset by the whole thing with Cherry-Olivia and we talk about it when Rommie calls. she came for me to check out her laptop and i make a crack to Rosa about Rommie being my wife. her jaw drops and i go over to greet Rommie (who was calling me from just outside the Mall). we exchange pleasantries and she, Ana-Lucia and i gather gear and hop into the van.
"this is going to be an interesting trip" i remark; both girls reply with wry smiles.

we go back to my office where we watch Talagdega Nights during lunch; Rommie seems hungry but doesn’t want to get anything to eat. i multi-task between her, her laptop, the movie, my food… she looks adorably hot with her hair growing out and her tank top and jeans. she wore slippers, her piggies well ‘pedied’. the least dressed in the room and she doesn’t feel cold, she says.

so after lunch is over, i carry her to the Mall for something to eat. we park in front and i suggest she goes in to choose what she wants while i head over to the fast service to pull some cash from my emergency card, but we end up making the trip together. she gets the usual ogling from random guys and we joke about it. at the atm we discover that i’m completely broke and my folks have my regular bank card (don’t ask why) so we head back to the van to leave; we never enter the Mall, but our ‘visit’ was noticed by who i assumed was Rosa and she relates Rommie’s "relationship" to one of the other Coffeeland girls. i give Rommie a ride to her taxi-stand and me make plans to hang for Carnival this year…

all of a sudden i’m the hot topic in Coffeeland, or so i assume by the instant silence that falls on the kiosk upon my arrival. you know, those uncomfortable silences….

.:to.be.continued:.

you can’t win ’em all… hell you can’t win any!

anyone who knows me can tell you i seem to have somewhat of a penchat for older women… not grannies you freeek, just women older than myself. i have limits though, yeah no woman over 45. i broke that once and it wasn’t all bad, it’s just the wrinkle factor (which seems to vary depending on ethnicity) gets a little 😡 after 45 (sue me, i’m shallow).

so there are these two older chics from work that i really dig and they both shoot me down for different reasons, or the same reason. i’m just not sure (still)…

one chic, who will be refered to here as Ana-Rita (clever, right?) "claims" she’s nearing her 30s but i really can’t tell. who am i to argue with her about that tidbit, eh? so anyway Ana Rita tells me she never goes with guys younger than she is, citing that men below a certain number aren’t mature enough for her. damn Ana-Rita, if all the other older women (older than yourself btw) had no problem with my age…

so in a late night (i think) conversation about this very crippling component on her "features form", i tell her she should really loosen-up on that whole age limit thing, and that there are alot of younger men who aren’t complete dogs and won’t hurt her in some irreparable way to warrant spending her end of days in counselling or something dark like that. she says she’s through having fun and is searching for her soulmate, but i remind her that people have all sorts of hangups and they shouldn’t let them become that level of a limiting factor, they’re likely to die alone with the <insert house-pet here> chewing on their faces and having a passerby/nosy-neighbour discovering their partially-decayed/mutilated corpse.

i probably came across like a real asshole there, but that’s gospel, dammit! Ana-Rita, babe, the dude with the glasses i saw you with in the food mall that day looked hella younger than you and her was trying to work some serious mojo on you; despite the fact that this ‘guy’ seemed to have milk dripping from his lips (figuratively speaking, of course) illustrates to me that you were probably trying to spare my feelings by avoiding saying you just weren’t interested in me. in future dear, just spell it out; i get enough mixed messages from women my age, and i never expected to get it from someone as "mature" as yourself.

the other chic, who will be refered to here as Celine (yeah, it’s pretty transparent) is older than myself by a couple years, maybe she’s 27 or 28… she laughs at almost everything that flies out of my mouth half the time – and i can’t blame her because sometimes i’m actually funny – but lately it’s been working against me.

so sometime last year we decided to double-team Denise D. and she said we’d make a cute couple, which i happened to think too. so after we leave DD satisfied with a fully functional printer, we head back to the car and i start like: "gosh, Celine… could you picture us growing old together, and having kids…" and no sooner than those words leave my mouth than she starts to belt out a Celine-Special. milk may have very well flown out of her nose, and while it’s really cute that i could make her do that, it hurt because i was being serious at the time. i tell her this but she just says she’s sorry (mid giggle btw) and tries to reassure me. golly, am i so funny to her that i invoke the aura of constant comedy?

several times after this i try to tell her about my interests and the laughing resumes. it’s come to the point that i figure that the laughing is merely a diversionary tactic to keep from answering the question, and Celine baby, it’s working. so i’ve given up on tryin to win her affections. it’s never going to happen and i figure that it’s because secretly she doesn’t think i’m old enough. no biggie. we could proabably end up together and i kill both of us coming back from some party and she lets out another Celine-Special and looses control of the can, bringing us squarely in line with a flimsy aluminium barrier and a georgeous expanse of open-air… here’s to hoping otherwise…